Going Native

I have been in the states for about 3 months already, and it had made me realize something. All my life, being a "banana" I was treated differently because of my weirdness. I was looked down upon by many, and was also made fun of constantly. I was different among my friends as they always had to switch languages when speaking to me. They would constantly talk shit about me as well when I'm around because I could not understand what they speak. Because of this reason, I had difficulty in communicating with others and fitting in with most of my classmates. Sometimes I even had trouble making casual conversation with some of my family members. I felt weird within my social group, I was a deviant in my society. I cursed my fate as being a banana made me lose out a lot on experiences of growing up as it was difficult for me to participate in social activities.

But here in the states, I was actually "one of them". I was not treated like a foreigner unlike the others who came along with me. I fitted well as I spoke in the same language and the same slang as the locals here. In fact most of the people I have met actually did not know I was from a far away country. Most of them did not even know where Malaysia was. Some of them thought I made it all up. During my travels, I actually walked the streets and had casual talks with strangers. I realized that if I had not mentioned that I was an international, they would have thought that I was a local. They would ask me which state am I from, or where do I live in LA. It somehow felt good as for once I walked the streets among people not feeling like some weirdo, some loser, some outcast. Because people here, regardless of race speak one language. Even if they are of different race and they are "Americanized" or "white-washed", they are not looked down upon. They are instead accepted.

But regardless of this sudden acceptance, something was just missing. People here may speak the same lingo as me but their thoughts and intentions are different. They may seem like friendly people at first, but they have an ugly side. I have met people here who can be really manipulative and inconsiderate. Most of them do not see their own faults, but instead always find a reason or blame for their weaknesses. They never embrace it and therefore cannot improve themselves. There are also those who deliberately give others a bad day just because they feel that they are "worse off" than others. That was when I realized that I do not belong here as my people are hardly like that. Do not get me wrong, I have many wonderful colleagues, but not all of them are as good. But customers are the worse. I definitely did not feel "at home" when I saw this ugliness. Perhaps it was the difference in culture, or maybe I'm just unlucky enough to came across these people.

I then realized that I really missed home. I may not fit in as well back home but it was where I grew up. This was a good experience for me, but it will definitely not beat being home. I will miss the acceptance that I have gained here but back home, I realized that I have already been accepted. I have family, friends and beloved pets waiting for me. I had enough of this place and I think it's time to go home. Too bad I will be here for the next 24days :(