Everlong

Today's post will be a bit preachy mind you. Although it is not something mostly people will continue reading about, and it will always be a sensitive topic. I urge you to please read on. Today's post will be about something mankind has pondered upon since the beginning of time. It is about our Creator. To be honest Im not really a religious person and that also means that I do not strictly abide by the rituals, code and rules of my religion. I however do believe in the big man up there of course. I do not wish to use his formal 3 lettered name as it may offend those who believe Him to belong to their own faith and not the rest of others.

How do we communicate or keep in touch with our creator? Well through prayer of course. People all over the world have different ways of speaking to him. Most would put their hands together, some would kneel down, others would speak in their mind and the rest would speak in whispers to Him. Why do we pray? What is the purpose of prayer? Do we seek our creator for guidance? Do we seek for answers? Do we ask for blessings for our aspirations? Do ask for protection? Or do we simply just ask for material possessions? Whatever it may be I would imagine our creator to expect us at least to help ourselves before we He would help us. One cannot simply pray and expect things to fall on their lap. Nobody is that worthy.

I realize that today, things have gone a bit out of control as people would simply use His name in vain. There are those who speak blatantly about how our creator would not favor the actions of others when nothing wrong has been done. They would use His name for their reasoning and to reinforce their arguments when they lack the knowledge or solid evidence of their claims. They hold on to His name for their own use. Are they truly worthy of speaking on His behalf? What proof do they have that He would approve of their words? Although most would deny, there are many hypocrites out there today who do not practice what they preach. Just because they "feel" that they are in touch with our creator they think they are always right and that their wrong actions are completely justified. An example are people who are only "good" in certain situations where they feel convenient and behave the complete opposite in situations where their decisions are clouded by their biased judgement and ego. This is sadly very possible in our age with the existence of variables such as ego, pride, stereotyping, prejudice, favoritism and racism.

I believe our creator to be merciful and forgiving. I do not believe he would protect only those who "think" they are His "only" "true" worshipers. The only reason why mankind is thought to be humble and kind is because He himself is of the same values. How could our creator be full of self contained pride? Isn't that one of the sins of mankind? I believe that we are not only created in his image but his values as well. Our creator of course would not have so much pride to only bless those who kneel before him. If He is as good and powerful as most people speak of him to be I personally believe He watches over ALL of us. Its time to seriously wake up. All these senseless arguments about who is right or wrong has led to nothing but wars, conflicts and disturbance of peace. Do you think that our creator would favor this behavior of mankind in His name? Im so sick of people posting up stuff about "Him" on facebook praising him for this and that, and hoping he would "handle" so and so. WAKE UP. Do not brag using His name about you having this and that and how lucky you are. Be appreciative. Thank Him yourself through your own prayers and be humble. He is not going to read your status update. Nobody really gives a damn anyways. If you wish to thank our creator, thank Him for putting those people around you who made your good life possible. Thank Him for giving you great parents, siblings, friends and pets. To some people, those individuals may not exactly be above our creator, but mind you they are the sole reason why you can safely worship him.

Do not only rely on faith to take you places. So long as you are a good person and do the right thing, only then will good things will come your way. Do not be arrogant and prejudicial. Be humble and have some sense of acceptance for those who may not be as fortunate as you. Have a sense of forgiveness for those who may have wronged you, not all conflicts are caused on purpose. For those unfortunate people around the world, who suffer from war and famine, they are not being punished by our creator. They are being punished by mankind for humanity's own wrong doings. With the existence of lust, greed and corruption in our world, our creator can not help us unless we help ourselves and ALSO those around us. Always stay true to our creator no matter what form or image you may perceive him to be. We have been put here not prove who is right or wrong regarding our perception of Him, we have been put here for more greater things. Not exactly to do his "bidding", but rather to continue passing on good examples of His virtues and teachings. Your mind, OPEN IT.

Humanity 2.0

Often times I ponder about random things during my free time, like before I sleep or when Im just plain tired. One of things I ponder most about is humanity within our society. Its strange how during our modern age of law and order, inhumane acts can still occur. I have always felt that regardless of millions of years of evolution, humans can never ever drop the animalistic instincts which our early ancestors had. Regardless of the existence of courtesy and ethics, some of us still have the drive in us to do cruel and barbaric things. I believe that it is when a person feels extreme anger is when he shows the most animalistic side of himself. Some of us may be better than others at controlling it, but it is truly unfortunate that not all of us are able to do so.

Well one case which I can think of is the kids in my previous dorm neighborhood. They had always been harassing the dogs in my area by throwing stones at them and hitting them with sticks. The dogs in my neighborhood were never aggressive at first but after the attacks and abuse they became extremely aggressive. You may say those kids are just "kids", but I have also overheard the adults encouraging the kids to get rid of the "pests". The dogs had always meant no harm and they did not bother anyone to begin with. But after they became aggressive, it had actually became a problem because the dogs would bark and chase down everyone and anyone. So one day while hanging my clothes in the porch I noticed one of the dogs which hang in my area was eating some stuff from a plastic bag. When I took a closer look I noticed it was a bag of chicken bones filled with a shitload of rat poison. Someone had actually put some thought into it and had really wanted them dead.

What was sad was actually the very people who tried to kill them off were very ones who made them aggressive to begin with. Was it necessary? Just because some kids didn't have anything to do, they had to torment these harmless creatures. They had caused these creatures to be protective and now tried to kill them. I wouldn't use the Malaysian term of calling them "uneducated", I would rather say they lack humanity. There are people out there who abuse animals and even worse, other people. What is it that is in a human mind that can cause them to be so screwed up? What sort of upbringing would result in this kind of behavior? Honestly, I don't really know. For all you know, it may actually be a natural behavior in us to behave this way. Notice how humans have to always repress and tolerate certain behaviors? Why isn't it that these behaviors just simply don't exist within us? Something to ponder about.

Going Native

I have been in the states for about 3 months already, and it had made me realize something. All my life, being a "banana" I was treated differently because of my weirdness. I was looked down upon by many, and was also made fun of constantly. I was different among my friends as they always had to switch languages when speaking to me. They would constantly talk shit about me as well when I'm around because I could not understand what they speak. Because of this reason, I had difficulty in communicating with others and fitting in with most of my classmates. Sometimes I even had trouble making casual conversation with some of my family members. I felt weird within my social group, I was a deviant in my society. I cursed my fate as being a banana made me lose out a lot on experiences of growing up as it was difficult for me to participate in social activities.

But here in the states, I was actually "one of them". I was not treated like a foreigner unlike the others who came along with me. I fitted well as I spoke in the same language and the same slang as the locals here. In fact most of the people I have met actually did not know I was from a far away country. Most of them did not even know where Malaysia was. Some of them thought I made it all up. During my travels, I actually walked the streets and had casual talks with strangers. I realized that if I had not mentioned that I was an international, they would have thought that I was a local. They would ask me which state am I from, or where do I live in LA. It somehow felt good as for once I walked the streets among people not feeling like some weirdo, some loser, some outcast. Because people here, regardless of race speak one language. Even if they are of different race and they are "Americanized" or "white-washed", they are not looked down upon. They are instead accepted.

But regardless of this sudden acceptance, something was just missing. People here may speak the same lingo as me but their thoughts and intentions are different. They may seem like friendly people at first, but they have an ugly side. I have met people here who can be really manipulative and inconsiderate. Most of them do not see their own faults, but instead always find a reason or blame for their weaknesses. They never embrace it and therefore cannot improve themselves. There are also those who deliberately give others a bad day just because they feel that they are "worse off" than others. That was when I realized that I do not belong here as my people are hardly like that. Do not get me wrong, I have many wonderful colleagues, but not all of them are as good. But customers are the worse. I definitely did not feel "at home" when I saw this ugliness. Perhaps it was the difference in culture, or maybe I'm just unlucky enough to came across these people.

I then realized that I really missed home. I may not fit in as well back home but it was where I grew up. This was a good experience for me, but it will definitely not beat being home. I will miss the acceptance that I have gained here but back home, I realized that I have already been accepted. I have family, friends and beloved pets waiting for me. I had enough of this place and I think it's time to go home. Too bad I will be here for the next 24days :(

Lost Soldier

I realize that the people in America are very different from the ones back home. Some are very friendly while others are just strange and mean. I would like to share an experience I had during one of my travels. During the beginning of the journey I met many people such as strangers and bus drivers who pointed me in the right direction to my destination, which was the beach. They spoke to me kindly and patiently offering their suggestions. I was alone during this journey and was very lost if not for people giving me directions. Anyways towards the end of the journey I missed the only bus there was left for me to take home. In the end I was suggested by some stranger to take a bus to a hospital which was in the middle of no where so I can take a cab there which would be cheaper than taking a cab from the bus stop which I was waiting at.

In my head I pictured it as simple as getting on the bus, heading to the hospital and catching a cab there. Little did I know that my journey was going to be a bit scary. When I first got on the bus, the driver assured me that there would be taxis at the hospital and that I would be fine. But I had to make a stop somewhere and take another bus which goes to the hospital. I got off the bus and winded up in some industrial area by some train tracks. It was already midnight and the place was kinda dark despite the high amounts of street lights. There were some "interesting" characters who waited at the bus stop with me. It was kinda dodgy of an area and the whole environment kinda gave me the creeps. The dim street lights, the ugly industrial buildings surrounding the area, the shady people who waited with me, the bitter cold and the horrible screeching of a long cargo train slowly crawling by behind the bus stop. When the bus arrived, I realized that I have only big notes and not enough change. I kinda panicked a bit, but to my surprise someone gave me some money for the bus ride. It was some Mexican fellow clad in a stained shirt and faded jeans. From the greenish veins popping out of his scrawny arms presumably from hard work I can tell that this was not a man of means. I do not mean to be stereotypical, but sometimes you can just tell. I moved by this man's generosity and felt bad for taking his hard earned money. I thanked him profusely.

Whilst on the bus, I realized that the driver was not very friendly at all. He did not answer any of my questions properly and seemed to be annoyed. There were some weirdos on the bus as well. There was this guy who kept checking himself out in the mirror and kept laughing to himself. He wore a hat, a scarf and was holding onto a walking cane. This was not some old man, it was some middle aged man. He crept me out. Then there was this mother and son. The mother was an old lady while the son was a grown adult man presumably in his 30s. He seemed very childish and kept disobeying his mother despite her nagging. He was walking around the bus while it was moving and nearly fell a few times. He cursed and swore at his mum too. The old lady was kinda scary herself, she had blue mascara around the edges of her eyes. The whole situation had no context and it crept the shit out of me. I gave up talking to the unhelpful bus driver and took a seat. The journey took about an hour and I reached the hospital. Before I got off, the bus driver asked the other passengers nicely and politely if this was their stop. I was thinking wtf, is this guy racist? Once he was done, he looked at me like I was some punk and I got off the bus. Fking ass.

When I got to the hospital, it was kinda empty. It was around 1am when I arrived. I saw some lady who presumably was a nurse in the parking lot and she thought I was some thief and walked away from me. I wanted to ask her if there were any phones in the hospital to call a cab but she rudely responded to me that she didnt know. I was kinda discouraged at this point. When I got in, I was greeted by this female security guard who checked my stuff. I told her my situation and she did not seem to care at all. She crudely gave me directions to a pay phone somewhere in a higher floor within the hospital. While walking along the white, empty, echo-ish corridors of the hospital, I was thinking, "where the hell am I?" What am I doing here?". I felt kinda desolate at this point.

Upon reaching the pay phones, I realized I did not have any change for it and cursed my luck. I walked around a bit and saw this male security guard. He was African American and greeted me with a warm smile. I was kinda relieved as it was the first friendly face I saw after quite awhile. I told him my situation and he told me not to worry. I asked if he had any coins to change with me but he instead used his handphone to call a cab for me. While waiting for the cab, he spoke to me about his experience when he first came to America and how just like me he got lost as well. He told me about his family, his previous career in the military and gave me some good advice when travelling. He kept me company while waiting for the bus and I felt better after that. I think I would have been stranded in the hospital that night if it were not for that kind gentlemen. Before I got on the cab, we bid farewell to each other. He face was filled with concern and I could detect some sadness as well as we went our own ways. I wish there was some way I could repay him.What a day it was, meeting all sorts of different people from a completely different culture.

Where is my mind?

Ive been here for 2 months 10 days 47 minutes 18 seconds and counting. I have to admit that time passes by really quickly here due to my repetitive routine of work here. I cant say that there were no good times at work but of course there are times when I wish I could leave everything behind with no regrets and just go home. Take a flight home to see my family, friends and my beloved pets. You know the feeling where you wish to seek temporary comfort, even though you know that a vast horizon of regret awaits you after, that feeling. But I think to myself, I cant go home now. I have yet to finish my work here. I have yet to finish my travels. There are so many places and things to see and so little time left. If I have been a coward and took a one way ticket home I would have these regrets instead.

At moments like these, I know there is nothing else to do but to endure and persevere though the hard times. These are strange words to use since I primarily came here to have a good time and gain an experience of a lifetime. But this I guess this is just a part of the experience. Work and colleagues are fun, but sometimes my mind is elsewhere. Maybe not my mind, maybe my soul perhaps. It feels that despite the fact that Im living my life here, I feel that I have a better place to be. I yearn to be somewhere else and I wish I was there at the very moment of the thought. That certain somewhere is of course home. Where else could it be?

Then I think to myself, "what the hell am I doing here?".  But time and time again I would remind myself of the good people I have met here. I have made a new circle of friends here from not only America but also different corners of the world. These people give me a reason to be here. Then I look at the pictures of the beautiful places I have seen so far and the friends I went with and the strangers I met along the way. Truly this kind of experience exist only once in a lifetime. Sure you could take the same path by visiting the same places again, but the experience will be different. The same people will not be there, only the memories you shared or had of them remain. Right now my thoughts are about how I would continue my journey in life without them after I leave. If only the world was a lot smaller.

See what how I would have felt if I took that cowardly flight home?

Dream #1

Last night I dreamt that I was in a DVD store with my oldest brother looking for a tamil movie called tutti fruity banana. The DVD store looked more like a tattoo parlor to me because everyone was in punk attire. In the end we found the DVD but we didnt buy it for no apparent reason. We decided to head to the bank via helicopter after that. Whilst in the helicopter I looked down at the view and noticed that we are actually in LA. We reached the bank and entered via the rooftop. While in the bank lobby I felt a knife in my pocket. It was a flick knife. I took it out and flicked it open. People started running around and there seem to be some chaos going about. I was jolted awake.

Seems like complete gibberish but a dream is a dream. Care to interpret my subconscious to me? :)

First

Hello all, Ive started a new blog because I just felt that I needed a change. The previous blog held many memories during the previous years but I guess it's time to leave it all behind. Those were good times and Ive learnt alot from the experiences, but I prefer the newer chapters to be written elsewhere.

I have titled this blog "Chronic Sandstorm" because chronic means limited time, while the sandstorm represents the sands of time, always moving quickly waiting for no one. In other words the Chronic Sandstorm represents life, which in this case is mine. This blog will obviously contain my experiences, thoughts and something new, a dream journal. Experiences and thoughts are surface level and have very direct meaning. Dreams however represent deep thought, the subconscious and the true nature of oneself if deciphered properly. Will my dear readers help me do so?

Although this blog may be "new" and "fresh", I cannot promise frequent updates due to lack of time due to my final year. But nonetheless I will not give up on this blog as easy as my previous one. As Im still in the US right now I will continue updating my experiences here. Goodnight :)